Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
