talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize