she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
