Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
