listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
