He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So much rum. So many feels.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize