I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
