You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
