i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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