So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
