If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
