Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
