My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
