I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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