our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
