Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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