she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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