Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
