You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
