I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
