Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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