My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
