He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
