respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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