I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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