sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
