It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
