even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
