Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
