Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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