Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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