I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
