Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
