id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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