Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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