Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize