so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
