we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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