Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize