We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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