I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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