guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
