we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
