She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
