I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize