I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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