dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
