I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
