He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
