the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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