i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
