I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
