there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
