Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
