you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
