I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize