There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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