dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
