the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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