i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
