I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
