He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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