hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
