I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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