evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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