Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she pinky promised me she was 18
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
