my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
