I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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