I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wanna go halves on a baby?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
