Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ladies don't puke and tell
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
