True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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