I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
